


Labyrinthine

by Shadowmatic



Series: Hobbit IKEA AU [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bilbo is a good Uncle, Doing my own world building, Gen, Human AU, IKEA, Modern AU, Neither Víli nor Drogo are actually mentioned but they do exist, Thorin is a Good Uncle, Those IKEA sharks, Trans Bilbo Baggins, both Dwarrow and Hobbits/Yavan are their own separate cultures, none of the characters are white, tiny hobbits are tiny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22233901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowmatic/pseuds/Shadowmatic
Summary: Bilbo looses his nephews in an IKEA.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Frodo Baggins, Bilbo Baggins & Frodo Baggins & Merry Brandybuck & Sam Gamgee & Pippin Took, Bilbo Baggins & Primula Brandybuck, Bilbo Baggins & Thorin Oakenshield, Drogo Baggins & Frodo Baggins & Primula Brandybuck, Drogo Baggins/Primula Brandybuck, Dís & Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Oakenshield, Dís (Tolkien)/Víli (Sansûkh), Dís/Dís's Husband, Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Oakenshield, Primula Brandybuck & Dís
Series: Hobbit IKEA AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600405
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	Labyrinthine

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Well Met On A Rainy Day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952480) by [katajainen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katajainen/pseuds/katajainen). 
  * Inspired by [Sleeping Beauty and the Bumblebee](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440744) by [Livvy Moore (Tauria)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tauria/pseuds/Livvy%20Moore). 



Bilbo swore that he had only looked away for a second, but when he looked back, all four of his small charges had vanished entirely. 

“Darn.” Bilbo muttered. Prim had left them behind already, and likely wouldn’t notice that any of them were missing for a while, Bilbo had been expecting that, and he really should have been keeping a closer eye on his nephews. Bilbo started to hunt. 

Why on Earth Prim had decided, not only to not get a babysitter for her seven year old son, Frodo, Bilbo had no idea. What perplexed him even further was that she had decided to bring along Frodo’s best friend Sam, who was six, and two of Frodo’s cousins, Merry and Pippin, who were five and four respectively. IKEA was not the place for grown people, let alone small ones.

If it was not evident, Bilbo disliked shopping almost as much as he disliked his cousin Otho Baggins. 

He continued to follow the path, hoping beyond hope that they had not wandered off to far a field through the labyrinthine warren of staged rooms and assorted furniture. 

Suddenly, Bilbo heard shouting, and he rounded the corner into the area that was full of beds to find his nephews and three older boys that he did not recognize, pummelling each other with stuffed sharks. Even Sam, the most sensible of the four, had gotten involved. 

Bilbo heaved a sigh. It was going to be difficult to get them to settle down now. He was going to have to be strategic about this now. 

“Boys!” Bilbo said sharply, striding into the fray. He grabbed Pippin by the scruff of his shirt, and tucked him under his arm. “If any of you want candy-“ He got whapped in the stomach with a shark and managed to grab Merry as well, “ you are going to have to calm down now.” Immediately, Pippin stopped struggling. Merry followed suit a second later, and Frodo and Sam hopped down off of the bed where they were making their stand. The older boys gathered around him as well. 

“First, I want all of you to return the sharks to where you found them.” Bilbo said. “Then, I want all of you to come back here to me. Stay where I can see you.” He added as he set Merry and Pippin down. 

The shortest of the three boys that were not Bilbo’s regarded him solemnly out from under fly-away red hair. 

“What kind of candy?” He asked. 

“Uncle Bilbo always has maple candies.” Frodo piped. “They’re the best.” He had already put his shark back in the bin and come back. Pippin nodded. 

“Alright.” He also returned his shark, and when they were all back, Bilbo handed out candies. 

“Now, what are your names?” Bilbo asked the three other boys. 

“I’m Fíli.” The tallest of the three said. “This is my brother Kíli, and our cousin Gimli.” 

“Bilbo Baggins.” Fíli held out his hand, and slightly amused, Bilbo shook it. “I sincerely hope you aren’t here by yourselves.”

“Mum went ahead. We don’t know where Uncle Thorin is.” Kíli mumbled. 

“Well then,” Bilbo picked up Pippin, who looked like he was about to go charging off again, “we’ll go and find them.” 

“Will it be an adventure?” Frodo asked, looking hopeful. 

“Of course.” Bilbo said. He managed to wrangle all of the boys together, and they set off. Bilbo didn’t have any idea what Fíli and Kíli’s Uncle, possibly Gimli’s father, though he hadn’t said anything about it, might look like, so he hoped that one of the boys would spot him first. 

As soon as they entered the office area, Kíli took off like a shot, racing up to a tall man with the same coloured hair as him. If it hadn’t been specified earlier, Bilbo might have guessed that Kíli was his son. He was beautiful Bilbo thought suddenly, and he tried not to blush. 

“Are you hugging a tree Uncle Thorin?” Kíli asked as he clambered up into his uncle’s lap. 

“It’s more productive than going around in circles looking for you.” Thorin got up out of the office chair that he appeared to have planted himself in to wait for the boys to come and find him, which, Bilbo admitted to himself, wasn’t a bad plan. He set Kíli down, and he bounced back over to Bilbo, Thorin following behind him. 

“Thorin Durinson, at your service.” The man bowed in the typical Dwarrow fashion. 

“Bilbo Baggins, at yours and your family’s.” Bilbo managed to return, his bow slightly awkward with Pippin still clinging to him. 

“Clearly.” Thorin said, sounding amused. “Thank you for finding my boys.”

“Oh no problem. It wasn’t really intentional. They were, along with these four hooligans, creating quite the ruckus.” Bilbo chuckled. 

“Regardless. My sister would have my head if I lost these three.” 

“I know the feeling.” Bilbo said. Granted, Prim wasn’t his sister, but he had the feeling that it was a similar relationship. 

“Uncle Bilbo.” Frodo tugged on one of Bilbo’s sleeves. “Can we go find Mum now?”

“Of course. Let us escape the maze. It shall be our last heroic feat of the day.”

“Thank you for helping us find Uncle Thorin.” Fíli said. “And for the candy.” 

“Of course.” Bilbo patted Fíli lightly on the shoulder. 

They ended up traveling together through the rest of the store. Bilbo was so tired at this point that he wasn’t even sparing anything a glance. If Prim thought that there was something that he should get, she would have to deal with it herself. It wasn’t like he had even been the one to propose this trip, for all that it was his flat that she was trying to decorate. 

The boys seemed to feel much the same way. They were all starting to flag, but Bilbo could only carry so many of them. 

“We should have gotten a cart.” Bilbo joked as Sam yawned again. “Then I could just push you all along.”

“Like a pirate ship.” Gimli said, the first he had spoken since the beginning. 

“Quite.” 

“You’d make a very fearsome pirate Gimli.” Thorin agreed. He was carrying Kíli, who was clinging to his back like a monkey, and Merry, who had convinced him at some point, that he was a little angel. 

“I think Uncle Thorin would make the best pirate.” Kíli said. “He’d be the Captain.”

“Nuh-uh.” Pippin said, tugging at Bilbo’s ear. “Uncle Bilbo’s the Captain. He knows lots about pirates.” That wasn’t actually true, Bilbo didn’t specialize in marine history, but he appreciated Pippin’s faith. 

“Uncle Thorin always gets lost Kíli.” Fíli said. “You wouldn’t want him captaining your ship.”

“What makes you say that?” Thorin asked. 

“That’s what Mum always says.” Fíli said, and Thorin laughed. He had a lovely laugh. It was like his voice, deep and warm. 

“Bilbo!” They had somehow, without Bilbo noticing, managed to arrive at the check out. Primula was standing next to a woman who looked very much like Thorin, especially with her long dark curls. “There you are.”

“Mum.” Kíli cried. He tried to scramble down from his uncle’s back, but Thorin held him in place. 

“Wait a moment nidoyith.” Thorin said. “Let me set young Merry here down.” As soon as Kíli was on the floor, he launched himself at his mother. 

“How funny, that the two of you managed to make friends.” Prim said. “Dís and I were starting to worry that you had gotten lost.”

“Not in the slightest.” Bilbo said. “I think we’re just about ready to go. Sam is about to fall asleep on his feet and the rest of us aren’t far behind.”

“Of course.” Prim chirped. “We’ll see around. Thank you for making sure that my cousin didn’t get lost.” The last part of her statement was directed at Thorin, and Dís coughed slightly, which sounded rather suspiciously like a laugh. 

Thorin nodded slightly, and Bilbo plunked Pippin into the cart, before hoisting Merry up next to him. 

“You’ve gotten a lot of things.” Bilbo observed as they headed down into the parking garage. He was holding Sam now, and Frodo was clinging to his sleeve. 

“When you move into a new place, you need to get some new things.” Primula said primly. “And your new flat needs some colour.” 

“Thank you Prim.” Bilbo said. “I’ll pay you back.”

“You can pay me back by looking after Frodo.” Prim said. “If you feel you have to pay me back at all.” 

As they headed back out onto the highway, the boys dozing off in the backseat, Prim nudged Bilbo lightly. 

“He was kinda cute huh?” She asked, and laughed when Bilbo glared at her.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by me imagining tiny hobbits with the IKEA shark, which is very cute by itself, let alone with a hobbit. That didn’t quite happen here, but I think it was close enough. 
> 
> Fíli is about twelve, Kíli is eleven, and Gimli is nine, just for clarity.  
> Additionally, nidoyith is Khuzdul for young boy.


End file.
